Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
