we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
