Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
