Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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