dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I need to stop coming to work sober
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
