Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
