felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
