The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
