I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
