I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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