I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
