Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
