So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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