ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
