Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
