So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
