just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
