I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Mom said you looked used
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
