Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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