I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
