Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I could make wine with my vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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