Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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