i just wanna soil my oats bro
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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