I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
