You're my little dorito
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
