i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
