I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
