he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
