she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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