oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
