We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
