shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
