Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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