i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
