Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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