He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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