Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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