Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
