Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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