Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
