I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
