More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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