i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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