I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
