It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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