Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
