walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
