there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
