The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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