the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
