i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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