the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
