VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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