I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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