Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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