Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
