what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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