chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
