You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
