Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
