So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
