fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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