I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
