I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
