Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
