i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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