I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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