Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
