She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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