sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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