please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
