What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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