he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
