Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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